Bullseye

So I'm greatly troubled.

Our Target store is getting fresh produce.

Now, that's not what's troubling me. In fact, when I found out, I got up and did a little Scottish Reel I was so excited. I mean, come on, I'll never have to go to the grocery store again. It's the best news I've had since I found out Target was going to start staying open until 10:00pm. I honestly counted down the days until August 31st last year. So the concept of fresh produce is heavenly.

But Target....oh goodness. What are you doing to me?

I walked in...and there were movies in the active wear section. Ummmmm....what? And pajamas squeezed between socks and toddler clothing. I started to feel a little...anxious.

So I kept walking. I stopped. Where were the kitchen appliances? Where were the vegetable peelers? Where was the flatware?

The next aisle...why couldn't I get my cart down this aisle? Why was it so narrow?

Then I went to my list. Because let's face it. I spend a good hour wandering around and loading up my cart with those heart-tingling red-tagged clearance items before I actually get to my "required" list.

I needed hand soap. So I went to its usual spot. Not there. I checked the adjoining aisles. Shampoo, deodorant, hair products. Still no soap.

So I turned the corner and turned on my newly honed Holmesian skills and started looking for clues. More toiletries. Toothpaste. Face soap. First aid items. Still no hand soap.

At this point, I have passed the make-up and am quickly approaching the aisles I know to be grocery aisles, and I'm starting to panic. I've never not been able to find something in Target. Due to my approximately 116 annual trips to Target, I've learned the layout perfectly. And now the hand soap is alluding me.

Finally, there it is, facing the candy aisle, at the very end of the row, wrapping around the end cap.

Now I ask you, what kind of lunacy is this?

You have to understand. Target is my sanctuary. Target is where I go when I have nowhere else to go. Target is my second home (E even told me during a Target run, "We live here, Mommy.") When my sanctuary and second home is in chaos....where am I supposed to go???

So, Target, if you can possibly move that July 22nd produce date up, you would forever secure the loyalty of your already number one customer. When considering that, please keep in mind that I single-handily keep you in business.

Thank you.